Moonraker

This marks the midpoint of this little project, so a brief status report: Um, it's going all right. The general level of quality is about what I expected. This right here is definitely one of the worst films of the lot, and a disappointing one for the longest tenured M to go out on. It starts out strongly enough as Bond goes to meet Drax, an insanely rich gentleman with his own space program, and there's some mild intrigue and subterfuge as he investigates the disappearance of one of his shuttles. His mission leads him to Venice, where he engages in a wacky chase involving a transforming gondola/hovercraft and a lot of reaction shots, and then to Rio de Janeiro, where one of the single worst sequences in the series occurs. There's a tension-free encounter on a cable car where the irritating Jaws returns to terrorize him in a dimwitted fashion as hilariously bad editing and fake stunt work prevent it from ever being exciting. After Bond escapes a petite but mysteriously strong woman helps Jaws escape from wreckage, and the two fall in love instantly while Tchaikovsky's "Romeo and Juliet" plays in the background. It's hilarious to me when I read that filmmakers were skeptical such a romance would work with Jaws being so much taller, when the real reason it wouldn't is that she was pretty attractive while he was a hideous freak of nature.

The main thing you'll notice if you watch these movies in order is that this is basically the same damn movie as The Spy Who Loved Me. Bond parachutes in the opening scene, is pursued by Jaws, is chased while driving an amphibious vehicle, defeats the villain on their own turf, and is unintentionally seen by his superiors re-consummating his relationship with the main girl right before the credits. The antagonist her has the exact same scheme as the last one, to destroy civilization and then create his own, only this time using weaponized nerve gas from Brazilian flowers and a space station instead of nuclear missiles and an underwater vessel. Things get truly ridiculous once they reach the station, especially after the cavalry alive (alarmingly quickly considering they're in orbit) and engage the bad guys in a LASER SPACE BATTLE. Seriously, there's outlandish spy action and then there's bad science fiction. Pretty dumb movie overall.

James Bond stats
Theme song: "Moonraker" by Shirley Bassey
Foreign locations: California, Venice, Brazil, outer space
Bond, James Bond: 18:00
Martini shaken, not stirred: 57:35
Ladies seduced: 3
Chases: 2
Kills: 11 humans, 1 snake
Non-lethal takedowns: 6

The Spy Who Loved Me

Of the five Moore Bond films I've seen now, I probably liked this one the most. I've definitely noticed that with these earlier films I prefer down to earth plots, and for some reason, Russian Bond girls. There are basically four types of Bond girls, two primary and two secondary. The secondary ones will either help Bond and get killed for their efforts, or turn out to be or remain on the side of the villain (and usually get killed too). Primary ones are either silly and just there to be pretty, or capable equals to Bond himself and perhaps slightly less attractive. The latter are my favorite kind, and agent XXX here is definitely one of those. It's another movie where Bond ends up cooperating with the USSR, which is also a common thread for some enjoyable entries in the series, and is sort of one long chase as he tries to track down the man responsible for stealing some nuclear submarines.

I'd like to talk about Jaws for a second. He's probably the most recognizable Bond henchman. He also sucks. He's seriously irritating. Sure, he's initially imposing, but all he does is chase Bond ineffectually for two movies (more on that later) and look stupid. It's amazing to me that anyone likes him. He's fine at first, but the way he just keeps coming and refuses to die is tiring rather than intimidating or anything. I liked to movie in spite of him, not in any way because of him. Anyway, there are some pretty good sequences like Bond and XXX matching wits in Egypt and a prolonged car chase that turns a bit silly when it turns into a submersible. The climactic large scale battles near the end of these earlier films are rarely interesting to me, though this turned out to be a pretty good one, and I like the deadly finality of his confrontation with the villain. I really wasn't sure about Moore when I started this thing, but I think he's a pretty good Bond stuck in a pretty dull era for the series.

James Bond stats
Theme song: "Nobody Does It Better" by Carly Simon
Foreign locations: Austria, Egypt, Sardinia
Bond, James Bond: 35:10, 1:06:50 (fake name)
Martini shaken, not stirred: 33:55
Ladies seduced: 3
Chases: 2
Kills: 14, plus explosion victims
Non-lethal takedowns: 10

You Only Live Twice

James Bond's descent into silliness was a slow and gradual one. You can see it coming here in the script penned by Roald Dahl which only slightly resembles the original novel, although it's less of a goofy tone here as just fairly outlandish situations. This movie is probably actually the key for Dr. Evil. We finally see Blofeld's face in this one, and he's got the baldness, eye scar, fluffy white cat, and less than threatening voice. Also, he has a secret volcano lair. Which Bond ends up attacking with an army of ninjas led by the chief of the Japanese Secret Service. And to help infiltrate operations beforehand, he gets disguised as a Japanese man by wearing prosthetics on his eyes that don't actually seem to do much and a black wig. And Blofeld uses the volcano lair to launch spaceships that capture other ones in an attempt to trigger World War III on Earth - you know, the planet he lives on. I can't remember if he explained why he wanted to do that.

It's kind of a shame the second half is so ludicrous because I actually really liked the first. There's a good theme song, classic catchphrases are subverted, Bond does some legitimate espionage work. A girl he sleeps with who works for SPECTRE gets dropped in a pool of piranhas after she leaves Bond in an airplane she bails out of. When Bond is being chased at a harbor he makes it to the roof and there's a really cool overhead shot as he is pursued by a bunch of guys and he coldcocks several of them. And the plot really is genuinely intriguing until you figure out what's really going on. The change in setting and characters to predominantly Asian is an interesting one, although apparently responsible for Sean Connery's temporary abdication of the role after he was constantly bothered by the Japanese press during filming. Twice is a flawed movie, though I admit to liking it more than the last one.

James Bond stats
Theme song: "You Only Live Twice" by Nancy Sinatra
Foreign locations: Hong Kong, Japan
Bond, James Bond: Not uttered
Martini shaken, not stirred: 21:55 (backwards)
Ladies seduced: 4
Chases: 2
Kills: 15
Non-lethal takedowns: 16