The Rock

You know, I've repeatedly seen The Rock referred to as one of if not the only good movie Michael Bay has made. But... I really don't see it. It's not as bad as some of his other work. I didn't hate it. But as far as big action movies go, I've seen a hell of a lot better and smarter. It's clear that some people, including developers of popular video games, took quite a liking to what it did. But while I wasn't bored or annoyed by what was happening on screen, I wasn't terribly entertained either. It was the kind of movie you just watch while rarely caring about what you're seeing.

There were a few elements I liked. I'll get into the oddness of the plot in a bit, but I liked Ed Harris as the main antagonist. There was a righteousness and power to his performance that I didn't quite expect, and it lent some gravitas to some of the more dramatic scenes he was involved with. That stuff tended to work okay. Sean Connery is likable as good guy one, and while he's already in self-parody mode as early as 1996 here, Nicolas Cage is a tolerable good guy two. I didn't care that he was worrying about his pregnant girlfriend because she was a prop instead of a character, but he wasn't bad. And some of the shootouts and fights were okay. I'm really not a huge fan of the way Michael Bay films action; it's often too cluttered and jumpy to really understand and thus enjoy what's going on. Especially car chases, the one here was pretty much a mess of choppy editing and irritating wacky reactions from bystanders (that kind of stuff: basically never funny). But some of the stuff on the prison island itself was mildly enjoyable.

And the way they handled the main plot was just odd. The primary antagonist was more sympathetic than the guys the heroes were working for. Simply put, a decorated general is mad at his country for neglecting to honor and provide support to some of its soldiers, even that which they were lawfully obligated to. So instead of doing something productive about it, he recruits some men under his command, they steal a dangerous chemical weapon, and threaten to launch it on San Francisco from Alcatraz, where they've taken hostages, unless their monetary demands are met. But rather than even pay for the legally required monetary support to the families of fallen soldiers, let alone the further demands, the government decides to send in a SWAT team led by Cage's chemical weapons expert FBI agent and Connery's grizzled former spy who knows the prison from having escaped there. And by the way, Connery hates the government because they held him without trial for over thirty years. Also, after the evil plot falls apart, things still aren't over because the cavalry still doesn't know what's going on in a fairly ludicrous sequence. So basically, the bad guys in this movie are the military and the government. Great. This edge to the plot is handled with no subtlety and distracts from what's already a mediocre action movie. The government doesn't even try to justify itself in any way, we're just expected to be on their side because the citizens of San Francisco are at risk. It's pretty weak stuff. And that describes the movie in general. Again, I wasn't actively bothered by the movie. It was just incredibly dumb and did little to make up for it.

Scrubs - Season 9

Or Scrubs: Med School, season one, depending on if you pay attention to the actual title card. Hopefully it's the only season too, because the show's just kind of sad at this point. It's not that it's completely devoid of laughter or a few decent moments that the show is known for, it just feels like the creative spark is completely gone at this point. Most of the main cast from before is either missing or only seen in a few episodes, as they tried to breathe some life into the formula with a new group of interns. Lucy is the JD stand-in, with all of his quirky nervousness but none of his comic timing. James Franco's brother Dave plays the privileged son of some rich donor, and he's half annoying, half the actual funniest character of the season with some of the ridiculous crap that comes out of his mouth. Denise is the only intern from season 8 to return in a significant role, and she forms an interesting relationship with Drew, a hotshot slightly older intern who had some non-medicine related issues the first time he tried to be a doctor.

Donald Faison and John C. McGinley are two of the most talented cast members from the show's original run, yet they're the only ones still around the whole time this season, making you wonder what it is that's keeping them there. It might have been okay to pull this several years ago with a largely circular cast of fresh faces, but for eight years it's been Zach Braff's show, and the conclusion last year was so wonderful, that keeping it going like this just seems wrong. I can't really bring myself to care about any of these new doctors' problems, and with the show's lagging ratings it's not even like they're effectively milking the franchise. It's like a child kicking and screaming while his parents are pulling him away from a birthday party that's already over. It's a good bet that the show's done at this point, and even if it's not I probably won't watch it again anyway.

Characters of the Decade: Part 1

I already have lists for my favorite things of the decade in each category archived on the site, but I decided to do something a bit different for a feature. The most important thing to a good story is interesting characters, and sometimes they're better realized than usual. Characters are often what we remember most about something, and I thought I'd recognize that with a list of the best. These aren't exactly my favorites in each case - I tried to stick with ones that stick out in some really important way even if they didn't totally resonate with me. Any number of things could have gotten a character here; being a great villain, a powerhouse lead performance, launching someone's career, or just making something worth watching. I narrowed it down to 60, which was made easier by trying to limit myself to one character per work where possible. The list is a bit TV heavy since they have more time to develop a personality, and it leans towards white males more than I would have liked, but I still think it's a good list of people (and some robots) that were fascinating to watch. It's ordered chronologically by first appearance, with characters that originated before the decade began placed at the first point they became relevant again.

Eric Cartman
Trey Parker - South Park


"Nananananana! I made you eat your parents!"

The moment above will forever live in infamy, but it's just one of many great ones in the life of Cartman, the world's worst child. He's one of those rare characters that's a completely irredeemable asshole that you still love because his schemes and insults are just so entertaining and unforgettable. And he gets his comeuppance often enough that he's allowed to keep being such a bigoted little jerk.

Tony Soprano
James Gandolfini - The Sopranos


"Anybody else would've had their fuckin' intervention right through the back of their head."

The star of one of television's most important shows, Gandolfini is notable for standing out despite the amazingly strong and deep supporting cast around him. He's part imperfect family man, part ruthless mob boss, and part just another troubled guy who isn't totally sure of himself. One of the most evil men to ever be rooted for, and that's mostly because his insecurities are presented just as effectively as his strengths and ill deeds.

Bender
John DiMaggio - Futurama


"Goodbye losers, whom I've always hated!"

I could have easily put Fry or Professor Farnsworth here, but Bender is the character that defines the whole show. He's the robot who drinks because alcohol fuels his system and smokes because it makes him look cool. Once in a while he gets a bit too lowest-common-denominator, but his narcissism is inspiring and he's the robot friend we all wish we had.

Tyrion Lannister
A Song of Ice and Fire series


"Those are brave men. Let's go kill them."

It's almost insane how many characters George R. R. Martin has managed to develop into genuinely fascinating people, but if one sticks out it's the smallest of the bunch, the Lion of Lannister. The whole series thrives off making its central conflict more interesting by not allowing you to want any one side to totally win, and Tyrion was the first time we saw that. Watching the wheels turn in his head as he tries to do his best with the cards he's dealt is endlessly enjoyable, and hopefully Martin finishes up the fifth book first so we can see what he's up to.

Captain Hank Murphy
Harry Goz - Sealab 2021


"But the secret ingredient is love. Damn it."

Voice actor Harry Goz unfortunately passed away while Sealab was still airing, and while I was still able to enjoy it afterward, it was never quite the same, which speaks to how good he was. As the driving force behind most of the plots, his unique brand of insane leadership paved the way for many bizarre Adult Swim shows to come. Every character on the show had their time to shine, but none provided laughs more than Murphy.

Master Shake
Dana Snyder - Aqua Teen Hunger Force


"I mean, is he gonna be able to chase us? Cause if I woke up looking like that, I would just run towards the nearest living thing and kill it."

You know a character lives off the actor's performance when it's as hard as it was to find a good quote that stands without context even though he provides laughs constantly. Snyder is probably the best voice actor to work repeatedly with Adult Swim, and this is the role that gave him a chance to shine. There's just so much humor laced in every syllable that comes out of Shake's mouth, and even if that week's gimmick plot is lame it'll probably be worth watching just for his next zinger.

GIR
Rikki Simmons - Invader Zim


"It's me! I was the turkey all along!"

Possibly the only character that can get away with just saying random crap all day, thanks to Simmons' fine voice work and his unending supply of adorableness. GIR is one of those animated characters who's fun just to watch do anything, and he's at that right level of idiocy that you have to wonder if he's actually just messing with Zim and the audience some of the time.

Nate Fisher Jr.
Peter Krause - Six Feet Under


"Everything's bad for something."

Nate's as flawed a person as there will be on this list, and that's part of why he works. He's just a human being worried about his mortality and trying to figure out what he really wants to do with his life. His story is a tragic one, but watching it play out made for some of the decade's best personal drama. Plus, watching him yell at stupid people is funny.

Gareth Keenan
Mackenzie Crook - The Office (UK)


"I told him once that I don't like jelly. I don't trust the way it moves."

It's hard to pin down with is Gareth's most hilarious feature. I love his supposed hardened military background despite his ridiculous, gaunt physique. I love his very unfortunate combination of overconfidence and ineptitude with women. I love the overly serious way he deals with the politics of working at a small branch of a paper company. One of the few characters I prefer to the US version's equivalent, and that's despite that equivalent also being on this list.

Dr. Perry Cox
John C. McGinley - Scrubs


“Jordan…the boy already lip-syncs into your tampons, must we put a final nail in his tiny gay coffin?”

Despite this being the ninth year of Dr. Cox being on the air ranting and raving, I'm still not tired of it. McGinley never broke out beyond a few small film roles, but every week he's good for a few solid put downs and probably at least one epically vicious dissection of why whoever he's yelling at is a bad doctor. But there's enough variety, creativity, and humor there that you never feel he's being too mean. At his heart, he's a good doctor who's trying to make others around him better at their job, and that's why he gets away with it.

Jack Bauer
Kiefer Sutherland - 24


"I don't care how it's interpreted from the outside. I just gave you an order and I'd like you to follow it."

The only character I know of who deserves - nay, requires a website to keep track of all of his kills in the line of duty. However you feel about torture, it's hard to be upset with Jack for doing what he thinks he needs to do to save America because he puts up with so much crap and never asks for anything in return. Also, it's just a TV show. His actions definitely speak louder than his words, but he's had his share of resonant emotional moments too. He's why I keep coming back despite the series' declining quality.

Gandalf
Ian McKellen - The Lord of the Rings series


"A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins, nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to."

Maybe the greatest action hero who's also an old man in film history. Gandalf was always the most interesting character in the books, and that held true in the movies as well. It's actually sort of two roles, as the wise and resourceful but fallible Gandalf the Grey at first and later as the powerful but justifiably aloof Gandalf the White. Kind and caring, but terrifying when he needs to be. He's basically what you wish your grandfather was like.

Continued tomorrow.

Se7en

One of my friends has been trying to get me to see this for maybe a decade now. I'm not sure why it took so long. David Fincher's Fight Club is one of my favorite movies. Maybe being repeatedly told to see it was subconsciously pushing me away. Whatever it was, it's definitely a good film. It's part crime movie, part suspense. Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman are a couple detectives in a strange city where everything looks run-down and it always rains. Pitt just moved to town to replace Freeman, who's set to retire at the end of the week, but a string of related murders start showing up, pointing to a serial killer obsessed with his own sense of justice and the seven deadly sins. It's a slow burn as they examine the aftermath of his painstaking, disturbing work and try to find connections that will lead to him before he finishes the job. It's clear that he's toying with them, almost challenging them to catch him while he goes about his business. As a look at the possible endpoint of what a human mind might be capable of putting together, it's intriguing and chilling at the same time.

In between checking crime scenes, the movie takes some time to develop the detectives when they're off the job. Pitt comes home to his wife played by Gwyneth Paltrow and their three dogs, while Freeman goes to the library, rarely able to stop thinking about work. There are a couple scenes where Paltrow confides in Freeman, the only man besides her husband she knows to turn to in a new city that she hates. It's unclear at first what the point of this stuff is besides preventing the entire movie from being a creepy detective story, but as the depths of the killer's horrifying plan are unraveled the truth becomes clear. Kevin Spacey has a good role, one of the more interesting in his career (which was nice to see, because it's been a while since I've seen him do a whole lot). It all builds to a huge downer of an ending, one that the studio fought against but ultimately had to happen for the movie to totally work. I should be more diligent about seeing Fincher's films, because he's certainly one of the most interesting directors of the last couple decades.

Scrubs - Season 8

It's still not clear whether this was an end to the series or just the series as we know it, with the possibility still existing for it to go on in another form without Zach Braff and some other big cast members. In any case, it was a nice send off for the show and Braff's character in particular, if it perhaps tried a bit too hard to tug on the heartstrings in the final sequence. Scrubs has been a great series, and while it's declined in the last few years, I'm going to miss it when it's gone. Even if it does continue, without JD it's hard to even call it the same show, and I'm not sure if I'll watch it if it sticks around.

Overall, like the last couple years on NBC, the season had plenty of moments, but it wasn't the consistently hilarious show it used to be. A big theme through the season was change, as most of the main characters got promotions, went to the next level in a relationship, or moved away. Even a whipping boy like Ted saw some emotional maturing. It seemed like they decided to spend the time they had setting things up to show how everything was changing, and how even if we won't be seeing these characters anymore, they'll continue to grow and live their lives like normal people. That all certainly took the forefront over silly jokes, in any case. I generally liked what they did with everyone, and it seemed like a natural way to wrap up a show that's always had a more serious, sentimental side beyond the humor. It was a little ham handed at times, but always fun to watch.

Scrubs - Season 7

It's thankful ABC's most likely picking up Scrubs for one more season, because the supposed final episode wasn't a great way to go out. Thanks to the strike (which definitely harmed shows more than it helped the writers), they only managed to make 11 episodes. Apparently the last one made wasn't considered good enough to go out on, because they took an earlier episode, one mostly taking place in a medieval fantasy and directed by star Zach Braff, and pushed it to the end. This wouldn't be too bad if it weren't for the massive continuity problems it caused. Even ignoring how earlier events were referred to as if they were more recent, the most glaring is Dr. Kelso's presence as the Chief of Medicine/fantasy bad guy even though he retired two weeks earlier in real time. It certainly didn't feel like an episode ending a show that has lasted seven years, even if the makers might not want to make a big deal about it.

Besides that whole mess-up, the season was pretty decent. The show's gotten a little sillier as the characters continue to become caricatures of themselves, with JD being the worst offender, but it's still good for multiple laughs every time. Despite the goofiness, the characters have grown. Almost everybody has a kid now, and I feel like this was gearing up to be a proper send-off season before it all got mucked up. The formula's gotten a little old, with the goofy jokes before all the different conflicts get resolved in a similar way while mopey music plays in the background, to the point where they've started making meta-jokes about it. If it does end up on ABC, it will be good to see them get a chance to tie up all of the loose ends.

Scrubs - Season 6

After I first saw it in the original season, I was hooked on Scrubs for a couple years. No live-action show on television had a goofy cartoon mindset like it, and it was really a blast. For a time it was the only funny show on NBC since Seinfeld ended, although that's changed now that the network has moved past crappy on-set schlock with a laugh track that finds everything hysterical and on to single-camera stuff that I think works much better. The fairly interesting storylines and respectable amount of genuine human emotion didn't hurt either. For whatever reason, I stopped paying attention later in high school, mostly because of disinterest in TV in general than disinterest in the show. When I got to college I picked it back up again, caught up, and watched season 6 as it happened.

Less and less is the show about isolated problems JD faces as a doctor and more is it about concerns in his private life. His best friend is married and has a child. His mentor has made up with his ex and has two kids of his own. The woman he still has feelings for is getting married and he's expecting a kid with a girl he's had problems with. He has to decide what he really wants to do and who he wants to be as a person. The show's still funny, several of the episodes were among the most consistent humor-wise in the whole series, and all the characters are still producing great moments. What you do see though is the relegation of minor characters like Todd further into the background and more attempts at random jokes that fail more often than they used to. It's not as funny as it used to be, but it's an enjoyable half hour anyway.

Luckily, Scrubs has been renewed for a seventh and final season. In the sixth's finale, JD and Elliot talk about their insecurities and worries that they're not with the right person. They're about to get physical before the scene cuts. It's clear that before the series ends, JD will decide who he ends up with, and the smart money's on Elliot. The problem is, I don't really care if he does end up with her or not. They do seem sort of made for each other, both being very strange people with problems committing. But the time they were together fell apart quickly, and they've both broken each other's hearts again since. It's hard to see it actually working. And the thing is, the relationships they're already in are fine. Keith is the best boyfriend Elliot's ever had, and he truly loves her. Kim is pregnant with JD's kid, and despite her horrible decision to try to run away, they still get along well and he seems to work together with her better than he ever did with Elliot. Keith would be okay if it ended, he'd be crushed at first but he'd get on with his life, and he's a devoted guy who probably deserves someone less psychotic. But Kim would be in a terrible situation as a single mother working a job that requires tons of her time. I doubt her life wouldn't be ruined for a long time if that happened. I just don't think I've been convinced JD and Elliot together would be worth the trouble it would cause to others, but maybe they can do that before the show ends.